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The Sharp Wit of James Blunt

In the summer of 1999 the world very nearly ended. But was okay, James Blunt saved us all.

The risk wasn’t just a melancholy heartbreak apocalypse either, more a thermo-global nuclear war.

During the Kosovo War Captain James Blount, whose name was in dire need of showbizification, was serving on the frontline. An order came through to destroy a Russian position at the strategic Pristina Airport, but soon to be heart-throb James refused.

Had he followed his American superior’s orders, N.A.T.O. would have directly engaged Russian troops; and we’d all be worshipping our radioactive mutant cockroach overlords, who would have seized power following the subsequent atomic holocaust.

But James wasn’t done there, and in 2004 his debut album Back to Bedlam saved us once more, this time by simply informing us that we’re all beautiful.

We repaid him in 2006 by voting him the fourth most annoying thing ever. (He was narrowly defeated by cold callers, caravans, and queue jumpers look these up.)

Our lord and saviour James Blunt has never let blaspheming heretics get to him though, continuing to drop hit albums. His latest, Moon Landing, touched down in 2013.

James continues to fight, except most of his battles now take place on the twittersphere. He’s accused those wishing to kick him of mis-typing K for L, apologised for being drunk when claiming we’re all beautiful (Alas!), and my personal favourite has to be:

@dmhinchy: James Blunt is a major bell end

@JamesBlunt: That’s Captain Bell-End to you, Hinchy.

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