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‘It’s not that we’re shit at this, it’s just that we don’t care’, confirms DayZ dev team

This article was published on The Griefer, a satirical gaming news site. 

In a statement today DayZ’s development team at Bohemia Interactive insisted that employee ambivalence was the main force holding back development of their long overdue zombie apocalypse simulator.

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🛃Emojis are tyranny🛃

Complicated ideas are under attack. We live in a dystopian ‘newspeak’ realm of 140 character tweets, simplistic yet popular ‘meme culture’, and more recently ‘fake news’ from our orangutan friend and all-powerful overlord, Donald Trump. This warrants a conversation about words-  the building blocks of ideas.

Or rather, the lack of- the zenith of which is the humble emoji.

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Battlefield Hardline: Preview

This was published in print in The Boar, Volume 37, Issue 6, 14th January 2015.

EA’s mantra: ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. In this generation balls will be kicked in FIFA, chests will open in Dragon Age, and ovens will catch fire in the Sims. In the realm of shooting people in the face though, war has supposedly changed.

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Are We Falling Out of Love With Facebook?

Published in print in The Boar, Vol. 37, Issue 8, 11th February 2015.

‘…Is wondering what’s so great about Facebook’ posted an edgy, provocative Oliver, age 14. He then proceeded to upload an ironic profile photo of himself in shades, set up a virtual farm, and discover that his crush had been haplessly poking half of Year 9. She would not be receiving his Bebo Luvs that day, for they were limited, and therefore precious.

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Illegal Downloads Beat Top-Down Censorship Down-Under

Published in print in The Boar, Vol. 37, Issue II, 29th April 2015.

It sucks to be Australian. Not only is life a constant battle against scorching sun, man-eating spiders, and English cricket fans, there are also seldom any decent games to play thanks to government censorship.

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Eyewitness Account: Warwick At War

Once the CS gas had settled, Free Education moved quickly to mobilise the student body and capitalize on a consensus of outrage. The Youtube video had been widely shared, and a Facebook event ‘End police against students #CopsOffCampus’ was signed up to by 1,500 people. Dec. 4. 2014 was the Arab Spring all over again, just with a better sound system, less gunfire, and more chance of it all getting rained off.

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(Catrographical) Size Matters

You can fit 14 Greenlands into Africa. That’s a fact.

Yet on most maps, including Google’s Maps service, Greenland appears a gargantuan behemoth. A continental mass that dwarfs India, and in some particularly offensive cases, the entirety of South America. In all its wisdom Google seems to believe Greenland has more fjords than an Amazonian canoeist could ever navigate.

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The Sharp Wit of James Blunt

In the summer of 1999 the world very nearly ended. But was okay, James Blunt saved us all.

The risk wasn’t just a melancholy heartbreak apocalypse either, more a thermo-global nuclear war.

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Blunders, Booze, and Boats: How WW1 Erupted in Colonial East Africa

When Mr Webb received the telegram: ‘Tipsified Pumgirdles Germany Novel’ it probably took him a moment to register that it was a coded message. It probably took him another moment to dust off his code book, and a final moment to realise the significance of the message. On the Aug. 5 1914, as the District Commissioner of Karonga, a small trading post in British Africa, Mr Webb now had to prepare for war.

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(Virtual) Veni, Vidi, Vici

civ This Article originally featured on The Boar website. Image from G2A.com.

The first band of barbarians wiped out my scouting party. The second scorched my settlement and carried off my undefended workers. Frustrated, I vowed to hunt barbarians until the end of time.